Ruth Wilkinson reflects on the profound impact of sharing experiences and finding strength through storytelling
One of the hardest things about struggling with your mental health is often how lonely it feels. It can be hard to even begin to communicate how you’re feeling, or to feel like anyone understands what you’re going through. We often feel hopeless, unable to see a path through or to reach out for help.
But by sharing our stories – the lessons we’ve learned from experience, what we’re passionate about, the challenges we’ve faced, and how we’ve changed our situation in big or small ways – we can offer a way forwards, and give hope to people who are still stuck where we’ve been.
We can use our own stories to help people understand why the issues that affect us matter, and what real-life solutions can look like. Stories can change the world.
But I don’t want to just focus on what telling your story can do for other people, because the number one reason to talk about your experiences is that it can have huge benefits for your own mental health and wellbeing.
Making sense of your experiences
It can be hard to find a space to lay out everything that’s happened and to make sense of it. But it’s often only in the process of telling somebody else the story of what you’ve been through that you get the distance to see it clearly yourself.
I was recently telling a friend about something that happened to me in 2022. As I was describing feeling unable to leave the house, having daily panic attacks, feeling sick and anxious 24/7, and so on, I suddenly realised how long it had been since I’d felt that way. I had been so intent on getting through it and taking the next step, I didn’t even notice my situation changing until I was looking back, months later, and describing a version of myself that felt like a totally different person.
Change often happens bit by bit, and until we take the time to stop and look back, it can feel like we haven’t moved at all. When we take stock, put things in order, and begin to name what’s different to when we started out, we often find ourselves surprised by the enormous changes we’ve made in a relatively short space of time.
When we’re able to recognise what’s changed, we can also start to recognise how hard we’ve worked, and what’s helped for us. That kind of self-reflection can give us the tools to look after ourselves going forwards, so if we hit another bad patch, we know what’s worked in the past to help us get through it. And, just as importantly, we know that we can get through it.
Memory can be a tricky thing, especially around episodes of poor mental health. It’s easy to convince yourself that you’re exaggerating how bad it was, or that you’ve always felt the way you feel now. When we take the time to lay things out in a clear narrative – this happened and it felt this way; this led to that which led to something else – it can really help us not just make sense of messy and complicated feelings, but also pin down the memory of how it affected us.
The act of thinking about and telling your story, even just to yourself, can make a radical difference. It could be as simple as writing it out in a journal, or telling it as a story in your head. But telling the story is only half of it – often, one of the most valuable things for our healing is having our stories heard.
Breaking our silence
Many of us feel pressured to shrug it off and downplay it when we’re struggling with our mental health. That pressure – the thing that makes you say ‘yeah, I’m fine’ when we mean ‘everything is going horribly wrong’ – can be a big part of the loneliness I spoke about before.
For a lot of us, speaking out publicly about our mental health journeys can be a step towards breaking down that wall. But because of the stigma that’s put on struggling with mental health, and because it might involve touching some raw or painful parts of our experience, speaking to somebody else about what we’ve experienced can be terrifying.
Being genuinely heard and understood can be one of the most radically healing experiences possible. But it has to happen in a place of trust, and it has to happen when you’re ready. You don’t owe anybody your story. People who push you to open up and go into detail about your experiences as a condition of support, or as proof that you’ve ‘really’ struggled, do not have your best interests at heart.
Regaining control
In order for telling your story to be a positive experience, you may need to feel safe, and have built a bond of trust with the person you’re speaking to. Where you have that, choosing to share your experience on your own terms can be an incredibly empowering experience – especially if you’ve felt unable to speak out for a long time.
There are many ways you might choose to tell your story, if and when you feel ready. Some people find it helpful to speak one-on-one to someone in private, whether it’s a therapist, a peer supporter, or a loved one. You may want to share your story through art, poetry, writing, or other creative pursuits.
For others, it might be about speaking up publicly. Many people have both found and offered healing and support through a public platform for their stories as bloggers, podcasters, activists, public speakers, artists, musicians or writers. Others find the space to share their story through peer support or peer volunteering, by reaching out to existing communities, or through using existing platforms like this website.
Sharing your story, in your own way and in your own time, can be one of the most powerful acts of healing. It allows you to take ownership of your experiences, and to offer a light to other people struggling through difficult times.
At Health in Mind, we're always looking for ways to open up honest, compassionate conversations around mental health. Go to health-in-mind.org.uk to find out more.
And if you want to open up the conversation in a fun, creative way this February, take part in our Blue Cake Day campaign to chat about mental health while raising money to support others. Got to https://health-in-mind.org.uk/event/blue-cake-day/ to learn more and plan your own event.
Ruth Wilkinson is communications manager at Health in Mind.
This article first appeared on the Health in Mind website
