Melanie Hyndland runs a support group providing pastoral care to people and families who are dealing with terminal illness
Death is our last taboo. It affects us all but because we don’t talk about it, it remains a very difficult subject for discussion.
Our group offers advice and counselling on how to approach the issue for those with loved ones who are terminally ill.
Death is part of life and we all have to face it but people react in vastly different ways. Some see it as a necessary part of their own journey through life and are more able to accept. Others don’t move on and can experience quite severe mental health problems as a result of the death of someone close.
That’s why support is vital. We are not a bereavement charity as such; we deal mostly with those who are finding it hard to deal with the impending loss of a loved one either through terminal or critical illness.
Much of that support is practical. The group was formed on the back of elderly people being unable to cope with practical problems arising from the death of their spouses or loved ones. Many of us understandably are unwilling to consider things like finances but it makes things a lot easier if these things are taken care of.
Family relations can often become strained too. These situations can easily evoke issues from the past that were never fully addressed or resolved. But the last thing families want when having to deal with the impending passing of a loved one is a fall out – and these can almost always be avoided with a bit of care and sensitivity.
My own background is in social work. I worked a lot with cancer charities helping support families of the terminally ill and that’s how the idea for the group first came about.
Myself and three volunteers visit hospices, care homes and hospitals to make people aware we’re able to offer support should they need it. Some who come to us are not dealing with a terminally ill loved one; they just want help and advice in how to deal with the practical issues for an elderly parent.
Overall, people react very positive knowing they have peace of mind when dealing with the inevitable. Loved ones of those with terminal illness have two bereavements: the initial crisis after being told they will die; then the actual passing itself. So it is a very fraght and at times overwhelming position for loved ones to be in.
I’m a pretty organised person myself so my own family are in no uncertainty about what is required when it comes to my own life. Scandinavian countries are quite upfront about all this: many talk very openly and seriously about death and have contingencies in place covering absolutely everything from finance to the actual funeral.
These are often taken care of when someone reaches their middle age which I think makes a lot of sense.
Society is changing in the way it deals with death but progress is very slow. We’re a very reserved nation and I can’t see attitudes changing in my lifetime. Which means there will always be the need for organisations like ours.
