Debbie Barnaby
No-one should live in isolation. We are social animals and we crave companionship. If nothing else, we just need to know others care. And care is what befriending is about.
Myself and three others formed B-Friends after the death of my best friend 15 years ago. It still haunts me to this day, knowing she died alone. Yet she was my closest friend and it pains me to think I wasn’t there.
It made us think about those in situations where they are isolated and what we could do to reach out to them. It’s an inherently difficult problem to address because these people fall below the radar.
So most of our contact comes from referrals. We encourage people to introduce our befriending service to those who they feel might be receptive to company.
Often this is in a hospital or hospice setting where older people have fallen ill and might have outlived family and friends. I’m a former senior nurse with 40 years experience so the hospital is something with which I’m familiar and requires a different approach in terms of privacy and sensitivity.
It surprises people to learn we deal with young people too. Recently we offered support to a 15 year old girl who was experiencing bullying at school. She needed to reconnect, to have her faith in people restored again. Basically she needed to be shown people cared where previously she thought everyone was against her. She’s progressing brilliantly.
Increasingly we offer befriending to refugees and migrants who have arrived in Scotland alone. Many are totally isolated and have been torn from their families because of some traumatic event.
Befriending can be hugely rewarding in these cases because, in my experience, these people are very receptive to support and friendship bonds are forged and you see their fears lessening and their confidence growing.
Not everyone in life has friends. And neither is a large group of friends and family a measure of success. Perfectly decent people sometimes find they are isolated because they might be naturally reticent. Anyone can find themselves lonely, even with large network of friends.
At its most basic level befriending can be about having someone to talk to – someone who is outside your world. That can be therapeutic to many. Today’s society is full of stress, pressure and strain and people increasing need a vent.
Social situations can also increase anxiety so things might seem rosy on the outside but inside it’s a very different scenario.
At its most basic level befriending can be about having someone to talk to
We hark back to a supposed golden age of society when everyone knew their neighbours. That may have been the case then but there was no television, social media, mobile phones or the internet.
And to communicate you had to speak face-to-face. It’s a myth to think society is less friendly - I hear that a lot. People are just busier – our lives are more fraught so we cut ourselves off when we relax. But we’re no less friendly and people aren’t becoming less hospitable by nature.
We’re based in Falkirk and we’re always looking for volunteers or referrals of people who might need support from our service. Contact us at [email protected]
