Children should be supported to keep in touch with both parents after separation, whenever it is safe and possible for them to do so, says Anne Gibson at Relationships Scotland

Raising children remains one of the most rewarding, and potentially challenging, things we can do as adults.

No amount of preparation or helpful advice can prepare us for what is to come, but add a divorce or separation into the mix and everything becomes more difficult, especially for children.  

In Scotland today, around 25% of children lose contact with one of their parents following divorce or separation. Most commonly they lose touch with their dad, but in some cases, this will be with their mum. As a result, many thousands of children and young people in Scotland are spending their childhoods and beyond without a relationship with one of the most important people in their lives.

Article 9 of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child states: “children whose parents have separated have the right to stay in contact with both parents unless this could cause them harm”. It is the child who has the right, therefore, to stay in contact with their parents, and not the other way round.

Research highlights the benefits of children staying in touch with both parents. Growing Up in Scotland’s longitudinal study, which looked at 2,943 families with a child aged 14 years old, found that a quarter of these children had a parent who lived in a different house from them. 

Just over two thirds (67%) of these children said they had face-to-face contact at least once a week or more with the parent who didn’t live with them. When asked if they would like to see that parent either more or less than they currently do, only 11% of children said they would prefer less contact than they currently had.

Child contact centres have operated in Scotland for over 35 years and provide safe, secure and welcoming environments where children can spend time with the parent they no longer live with. Around 2,000 children each year are able to keep in contact with their non-resident parent through the 41 child contact centres that operate as part of the Relationships Scotland Network.

In the past year 86% of parents said that the child contact centre had helped improve their family situation and 93% said they would recommend our services to others. One mum summed up her experience this way: “it’s nice for my son to attend a friendly and happy environment where he can see his dad in a safe space. All the staff have been wonderful.”

There are of course times when contact might not be appropriate, such as when there has been neglect or abuse involving the children and/or the other parent. It is critical that everyone is kept safe and protected from any potential harm in such cases.

Being a parent is a life-long journey and in most cases, this shouldn’t end after divorce or separation. If we as a country can help navigate a path through these many difficult challenges, our children will surely thank us in the years to come.

To find out more about the work of Relationships Scotland, please visit their website www.relationships-scotland.org.uk or call their Info-Line on 0345 119 2020

Anne Gibson is head of practice for child contact centres at Relationships Scotland.