Sam Routledge says his autistic son Leo wouldn't have progressed without help from a support network
My son Leo thinks everyone is strange. He can’t be doing with disorganised thinking. Everything in his world is structured, organised, planned - down to the way he makes his bed in the morning and puts on his clothes.
However, it wasn’t until Leo was four that we discovered he was autistic. And from that point on, our lives changed irrevocably.
What I realised from that first diagnosis is if you need things to change you have to fight; nothing will be given to you on a plate. That’s the hardest part - it makes you feel as if you are up against the world and that no-one cares.
Leo is kind, funny, intelligent and creative. He is also volatile, grumpy and at times angry. That’s what autism is – a full spectrum of emotions, feelings and personality traits that you don’t know from one day to the next what you’re going to get.
As a single parent I needed support but found it hard to get. Our health service is full of dedicated professionals but they can’t be there with you at night when your child has a tantrum, help deal with unempathetic teachers or help you explain to the general public why your son continually shouts out during a film in a packed cinema.
Eventually I was connected to a parents’ network in Aberdeen - Parents for Autism - and suddenly I realised how life-changing support can be. I no longer felt alone or isolated. And Leo, for the first time in his life, found long-term friends who actually understood what he was living through. It was an absolute boon. Looking back, I just wish I found voluntary support networks sooner. I struggled to cope in those early days and that struggle could have been so much easier.
Being part of a support group means nothing is insurmountable. It used to feel like that; some days were impossible and I’d fear how bad things would get in the future as Leo’s behaviour wasn’t getting better. However I now realise that isolation was affecting him adversely and now that he has regular contact with others he’s a changed boy.
Being part of a support group means nothing is insurmountable
Now aged 16, we’re trying to get Leo into college. His autism is quite pronounced; many elements can’t be worked on but they can be worked around. Mostly it’s about how others react to him and over the years I’ve learned to allow him to be himself. Certain situations distress or agitate him so there’s no point trying to change that. Instead I work around Leo as it’s easier to avoid those scenarios and allow him to be his normal self. And I’ve learned to cope far better with situations when they arise.
Leo’s condition has made me consider how I go about everything, how I approach people and how I see the world. And that’s not all bad: I think the last 16 years has made me a better person and with support from others in the same situation, a better parent.
