Robert Peacock explains why he is taking part in the To Absent Friends a festival to celebrate remembering friends and family who have passed away
On the bus to work yesterday, my playlist brought up Golden Brown by the Stranglers. It’s a song I always associate with my friend Sean, thanks to two vivid memories. The first is him on the electric piano the morning after a friend’s wedding, when, hungover, he sang it while we cleared up the previous night’s debris. The second is when it played at his funeral.
Sean died in 2014. But the memories that our friendship group have of him didn’t. Nor is there any need for them to. Why should we stop thinking of and talking about people just because they’ve died? It’s a fortunate person who doesn’t have someone they’ve lost – a parent or partner, a flatmate or colleague, inspirational mentor or kindly neighbour.
Yet for a universal experience, it goes curiously unacknowledged. People avoid talk of the dead for fear of offence or personal discomfort, or else dismiss it as morbid or boring. It needn’t be. In fact, it’s important that it isn’t. At some point in everyone’s life the relationships they have with the dead outnumber those they have with the living.
That’s why, in 2014, we started To Absent Friends, a people’s festival of storytelling and remembrance. We want people to take time to remember those they have loved who have died, to share stories, come together in celebration, or reminisce in private if that feels easier. In troubled, and often hostile times, it’s an acknowledgement of our shared humanity and a way to show compassion.
Scotland used to be better at this than it is today. November was always traditionally a time for remembrance. In ancient Gaelic tradition, it was Samhain, when the souls of the dead visited the living. All Souls’ Day represents the Christian equivalent. And in other cultures, remembrance is very actively encouraged, as with the Mexican Day of the Dead.
Drawing on those traditions, To Absent Friends runs each year from 1 – 7 November. People can take part in whatever way they feel able. There’s plenty of ways to do so. The festival website offers great ideas.
Get the photo albums out, cook up an old family recipe and tell stories of people who have died – you could have a To Absent Friends supper. Or why not do a To Absent Friends wall at your workplace or community venue? Take some triangles of coloured paper, some pens and an empty noticeboard. Write a tribute to an absent friend and pin it up, until the wall is filled with memories. Hibernian FC are even doing one at the Dundee match on 4 November.
There are public events to get involved in around the country, from Caithness Big Band’s Night To Remember in Thurso to a Remembrance Supper and Jazz Improv evening in Eskdalemuir.
You don’t even have to leave the house. Share tributes on the online Wall of Remembrance, and songs on the Remembrance Playlist, and during To Absent Friends itself, change your social media pictures to someone who has died, and share a story about them.
Get involved and share your stories. We want to hear them!
To Absent Friends will take place across Scotland from 1 – 7 November 2017. Follow @2AbsentFriends on Twitter
Robert Peacock is development manager at Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief
